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Syahirah Nadirah
08 December 2020 @ 04:31 pm

I don't post much because I hardly know what to say, but that doesn't make me any less of an awesome person. ♔
Current Music: deadmau5 - Lack Of A Better Name | Powered by Last.fm
Syahirah Nadirah
12 January 2015 @ 01:58 am
I'm still bawling over the fact that ryosukekoibito wrote an ariyama for me for my eighteenth birthday I just

If you're reading this, I love you
Syahirah Nadirah
19 June 2014 @ 12:58 pm
it is easy
to erase your existence
by a scratch over your name on paper.

but oh, you are more than just name:
you are blood in my veins
coursing through my body with pain and ill will
telling me you love me
as you bleed me dry.

because you are the curse that I can never remove
and even when I die you’ll be in my bones
on my gravestone and in my soul.

more at my newly refurbished wordpress.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: 浜崎あゆみ - MOON
Syahirah Nadirah
14 April 2014 @ 08:18 pm
I'm still relearning how to write again. This is my first attempt, so it's not as good, I think.

I can't come up with a title for this one..

in daylight, i am the ocean.
in broad daylight when I am needed
i begin ripples through the waters,
send waves and low tides ashore.
lap at people’s feet shyly with

in the moonlight, i am rage.
i float back and forth lost and alone,
pulling towards the moon and yet
never reaching there.
and in my rage I thrash about and
send waves as high as my desire for
you, only to come crashing down
in violent waves that end in quiet, muted

in daylight, i am the ocean.
and as I lap at people’s feet shyly and
desperately, i whisper

please, get me to the moon
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Current Mood: discontentdiscontent
Syahirah Nadirah
Trust me when I say that there is nothing more than I want than to be happy.

Yet sometimes it feels like something, someone out there is against the notion of letting me achieve happiness. I hold you when you're down and patch you up, dry your tears, tell you everything is fine -- and I've done this to many people, not just one -- but everyone, everyone tells me the same things when I'm the one on my knees and crying:
"Why are you crying over that?" "Stop crying."

I hate it.

Sometimes I feel like everyone out there are just parasites who depend on me for their own benefit and leave me once they're done, once I'm useless, insignificant to their now sated stomach. I don't want to sound like a whiny, pathetic teenager who clamours for attention from the rest and demand that they notice that hey, I'm suffering, stop whatever you're doing and help me and buy me a whole year's worth of tissues to show me you care. I just want people to stop thinking I'm their human substitute for a pillow or the plush toy that you only reach out for when you're sad, and once you fill me with your snot and tears and mucus and sadness you throw me aside into the dusty corner again.

When I reach out, where is that hand that should be clasped around mine?

And so it all comes to one conclusion that despite how I appreciate the company of those whom I love, I am still, in the end, completely alone.
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy